A Pitch for Bills Winning AFC East

by Paul Wanecski
When it comes to the AFC East the past decade, it has been the Patriots and everyone else. Over those years the Jets, Bills and Dolphins have tried to take down the "Dark Hoodie Empire", but with only isolated success. The Internet, however, has given ever member of the #BillsMafia, #BillsFam and every #BillsFanatics something to laugh at. Here is a preview of ranking the AFC East through, well, an interesting method.

Earlier this offseason, Tom Brady was filmed by his wife in gross violation of his personal conduct clause in his contract with his Mary Poppins style jump off a cliff. That isn't the only gem he gave the world this year. But enough about Brady, although we will have plenty on him later. If we were to grade who will win the AFC East based only on who threw the best first pitch at a baseball game, the scales wouldn't seem be tipped in Buffalo's favor. The contestants:

•  New York Jets: Geno Smith
• Miami Dolphins: Dan Marino
• Buffalo Bills: Rex Ryan
• New England Patriots: Tom Brady
  

That is three quarterbacks (one Hall of Fame QB) and the Bills Ryan. So how does he rank? Well, check out these videos and you be the judge.

Geno Smith:
Link to Geno's Video HERE

Dan Marino:

Rex Ryan:

And lastly, Tom Brady.

As if it isn't obvious, we saved the best for last. New England will rank dead-last in 2015. The Jets were ashamed with Smith, whose throw was a pot-o'-gold short of a rainbow. While you can look at velocity and location giving Marino the edge over Ryan, anything short of a strike from a Hall of Fame QB is unacceptable. Marino spent years of pushing the silky feel of Isontoner Gloves, but his soft hands couldn't keep the ball out of the left-hand batters box. Ryan takes advantage with showmanship, respectable location and a moderate velocity, giving the Bills the AFC East title. Granted, this is far from the most educated guess on the way the division will play out, but it is a hilarious reminders that these guys aren't superheroes.

Now that we have the Bills securing the AFC East, what article about a first pitch would be complete without these nuggets of awesome. Enjoy.

ESPN's Not Top-10 from 2013.

And of course, 50 Cent.